OK to Disconnect

I have been advised to protect myself
by inviting the aggressive and envious into light and spiritual

never attempting to protect myself with reactive anger or curses. Wencke of the Arctic Circle amid 320 droplets
of gold confirms, Curses always reflect back.

Send angels--she reappears--and see what happens--

Susan of Middle Earth and revolving blue lines greening toward their center, suggests to say, ‘Come into the light. Can you find a teacher or loved one to guide you?’ Most entities will vanish. If they have not, continue to lead them, protecting yourself with prayer in the presence of the Mother.

Rachel, once the wife of Jacob, unties knots, however tedious,
with fingers whose bones were born of Bethlehem. They will remember
and fashion a tiny crèche beneath a tenuous tree centuries later
as she chants in the ancient, difficult language of words braided
lyrically together. Thus east become west.

Carol of the Circle of Songs at the bower of all to be sung
braids fire and light. Thus west become east.

Eileen is the fifth element required by meditation. Somehow
she conjures and preserves images from the forever dark of the boy
who walked the valley of the shadow of death and feared no evil.

This is an offering, then, for the lone light in the all
darkness, circle within a circle within a circle within each
indecipherable consonant cryptic yet glimmering as the amethyst
belly of stone. In fact, it is written on nothing, on air.

So, flight. I move now in a medium of nothing and everything--
which is refreshing. Flight will teach me to walk again as I should have been taught as a child, in the days of reflecting, distorting red orbs-
-which can no longer follow
and disturb me.

I am no longer a walking remembrance.
You know who you are. Forgive me.
You know who you are. Do not come to me with stories of past lives or future debts.
I can no longer carry this.
It is yours now. I am disconnecting, and with each pull of fingers I envision feathers. My daughter
brings me an array of feathers. Dark, dark blue, true, true green and ravenous red.
She calls them leaves.

It is surprising that life becomes shallower and shallower.
This morning I saw Yeats float by, face up, a book pressed to his chest. His poetry, I imagine.
There were others, perhaps his colleagues. I did not recognize them. Some were
face down, dressed in somber colors only further darkened by water;
I had not slept well,
but, still, I did not search for myself among them.

I could not sleep those first nights in the teeth of the ravine
where the menaeds had left me.
Every time I moved my leg, I awoke, startled with pain.

You know who you. Each of you. I send you an invitation into light,
but the place on my back just above the right hip is no longer available to you.
I hear your footsteps hurrying forward and back, along earth and marble. In alarm
as I caulk the weeping hole with earth. The weeping hole with certainty; the bleeding
with a single curtain, call it compassion, for it is white and sheer;
the grieving
with practiced gratitude.

It should have been evident that anyone who loves me for what I do
but not for who I am, does not love me. This includes myself,
of course--for why else would I have encouraged lesser love

Take what you have. I shall ask for nothing in return, but I send you
forth from me as I send me forth from you into the remainder of all.

I have thirty-three years before me. I was told this multiple times
in the mirror. The face was not and may not be recognizable.
I have thirty-three years of work. And, now, that I recall my destiny--
my assignment, now that I have a certain direction
to walk, I shall walk.

Here is the chain that cripples:
Cynicism is a symptom of a lack of faith.
A lack of faith, of course, compounds cynicism and eases the corridor
into unhealthy, unjust behavior

The only remedy is truth

The chain--as all chains--begins in abuse

The circle continues to wrap about itself, ever widening until
Jacob finally Wrestles With God
So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
      But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."
 27 The man asked him, "What is your name?"
      "Jacob," he answered.
 28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."
 29 Jacob said, "Please tell me your name."
      But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.
 30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."
 31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip. 32 Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob's hip was touched near the tendon. -Genesis 32

OK to Disconnect [#52]
© 2010 Fammerée

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Richard Fammerée

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Photograph by Fammerée

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